how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
