I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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