He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
