listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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