I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
