I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
