Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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