mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
