There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
