Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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