he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
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