I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
