I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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