This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
