Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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