I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
