Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize