Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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