i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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