you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
