I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
