sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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