HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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