I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
