Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
