I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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