3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Boobs speak an international language.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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