Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
