I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
