I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
two words...techno handjob
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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