You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
