shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
