So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
