P.S. I can't hear my feet
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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