All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
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