Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
