New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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