Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You can't just leave with hair like that
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
