Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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