Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
