Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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