I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
