Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
