Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
