I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
