my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
