can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
