she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's the barista slut.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
