It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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