I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
