My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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