You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
