i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sext me about skeletons
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
