There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
we're so committed to being not committed
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
