Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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